"True success is being able to obtain our day-to-day basic needs (food, clothing, shelter, nurture, safety, and acceptance) while maintaining a loving attitude toward ourselves and others." (Excerpts can be found below the price.) $15.00, 4/$50.00 All of us have the same basic needs for food (an adequate amount), clothing, shelter, safety (from physical or emotional dangers including safety from violence toward us from others and from having our emotional boundaries violated), nurture (caring touch, encouraging words, and other experessions of love), and acceptance (affirmation of our value to others in our community--from family to increasingly larger communities of which we are a part). Since we want to be sure we have enough of what we need, we all want to control our supply of these basic necessities of life. When this desire for control becomes excessive, it blocks our ability to love. Anyone who we perceive as a threat to our supply of life's necessities becomes our rival. This may as easily be a sister or brother, spouse or friend as someone we would identify as an enemy. To live joyfully we have to accept those things we cannot change, and we don't have to like them. Acceptance of those things we cannot change does not mean apathy! We can always look for loving ways--helpful, unharmful ways--to change unloving circumstances wherever we find them. We may need the help of others, or we may need to wait until a more favorable time when other events have occurred which can make positive change possible. Acceptance of those things we cannot change does not mean denying our grief and avoiding mourning. We cannot undo tragic, irreversible events, yet it is not helpful to deny our feelings about the loss or tragedy. Feelings have to be worked through, not denied. When we are feeling pessimistic and generally downtrodden, there can be value in focusing on our strengths and on what is going well in spite of the difficulties. It may also be helpful to consider how this difficult time can be turned into an opportunity for greater understanding of ourselves or others--to consider how it can be an opportunity for a new beginning. There are even times when a difficult situation can be thought of as an adventure which, with patience and positive anticipation, will have an acceptable outcome. While efficiency and speed may be very desirable, HURRY can be deadly both to our physical well-being and to our spiritual well-being. Hurry causes us to lose patience with ourselves and others, leading to frustration and loss of self-esteem for all involved. Seldom does the end justify being hurried. A more relaxed alternative can nearly always be found. When our personal safety is being seriously threatened, is there a place for a violent response? Yes, as an absolutely last resort when all other resources available for self-protection have been exhausted. Under these circumstances, it is justifiable to use sufficient but not excessive force to protect ourselves from sustaining serious injury. The important qualifying phrases above are "when all other resources available... have been exhausted" and "sufficient but not excessive force." Effective, nonviolent responses are usually available if we look for them and are patient enough to allow them to work. We often react violently because we haven't developed a larger repertoire (range of options) of nonviolent responses. There are times, however, when imminent danger leaves us only the choice of hurting someone or of being seriously injured or killed ourselves. The most loving response is to subdue our attacker with "sufficient but not excessive force" to protect us from serious harm. By preventing someone from seriously hurting us, we are not only protecting ourselves, we may also be helping the other person avoid more serious legal or negative interpersonal consequences. Should we ever use force to protect ourselves from humiliation--to protect our honor? No, we best demonstrate being honorable by trying to find a nonviolent solution to a conflict or, if possible, by walking away from it when another nonviolent solution is not forthcoming. We can be relatively safe without being in total control of what others say or do. USUALLY VIOLENCE INDUCES MORE VIOLENCE -- ULTIMATELY THERE ARE NO WINNERS, JUST LOSERS. My best effort to do good today is important and sufficient! Best -- my best, not someone else's -- also, my best may vary widely dependent upon my emotional or physical state or other circumstances beyond my control to change. Good - contribute toward the corporate good -- be loving toward myself and others. Today -- we only have today; we cannot undo yesterday or fully anticipate tomorrow. Important -- we are a part of a corporate effort, and everyone's contribution large or small is important -- the body of humankind is diminished by the loss of any individual contribution. Sufficient -- everyone working together can provide all that is needed.