It is my experience that focusing on the qualities of others that I like and forgiving the qualities I donít like (for my sake not theirs) is more likely to result in the expression of more of those qualities I like and fewer of the qualities I donít like.
On the other hand, my experience has been that when I point out over and over the qualities I donít like and harbor resentment in my heart, then those qualities I donít like seem to multiply; and the qualities I like seem to disappear or be expressed less often.
I also find it helpful to pray that all the happiness I want for myself will come to those for whom I have previously held resentment. I let go of the resentment as soon as possible, because holding on to it causes, in my experience, physical, emotional, and spiritual pain for me. I also let go of the regrets I may notice about the choices I have made. I learn from my mistakes as well as I can and let go of beating myself up for those times when I might have acted more wisely and didnít. It has been my experience that letting go of all resentments toward others and myself is an extremely important step toward loving and accepting myself and others just as we are. The amazing thing, again in my experience, is that by so doing my heart is much more open to experiencing more love and in ways sometimes quite surprising to me.